Freaky Friday: How To Get The Most Out Of Your Singlehood Sex Life
Single and looking to mingle
Freaky Friday: Every Friday a new post dealing with love, relationships, dating...and anything else the human soul may need answered.
Last week I told you about The 90 Day Sex Policy (When first dating someone wait 90 days before having sex with them.). This week we are going to the other side of the spectrum for those that have no interest in being serious and in a relationship. What's a single person to do? When you're single there is so much opportunity! Here's how to make the most of it while keeping your head held high.
Rule number 1: No expectations. The moment you expect something is the moment you let unhappiness wiggle it's way in. Many people when they sleep with someone expect so much (As they should. It's kinda a big deal) but if you're just looking for fun, then don't expect much and you'll gain a lot. I see a lot of girls that have a one night stand and become bummed out when he doesn't call or communicate afterwards. First off, the whole point of a one night stand is for one night. If you're looking for more, don't sleep with them. Anything beyond one night is gravy. If all you want is a good time, then follow this rule as well as the following rules and you'll get the most out of the singlehood sex life.
Rule number 2: Being able wrangle someone in. Ok, so you have no expectations, you’re just going to go with the flow and you're going to go for it, but where do you start? Perfect and easiest place is at a bar. Find someone in the room you find attractive…This is different for everyone. Smile, lock eyes with them for three seconds and the first move is done. Now who makes the second move? Depending on what type of person you are; either wait or you can go over to them. If this doesn’t work, try it on someone else. To be honest, I have never known this to fail in regard to gaining someone’s interest. Go out and practice to see for yourself. Sidenote: Try not to have a creapy smile or stare for too long.
Rule number 3: Dress for the next day. If you’re a girl, don’t wear something you wouldn’t wear walking around town, because you may just be walking around town the next day. It’s called the walk of shame. So, if you don’t want to look like you are just coming from someone’s house where you hardly remember their name, wear clothes that aren’t flashy. Don’t think you need to wear something provocative to get hit on, you don’t. I’ve gone out to the bar plenty of times coming right from working out; sweaty, red faced, no make-up, work-out clothes, STINKY and have still been hit on. As long as you bring your vagina with you, you have all you need in regard to having someone be attractive to you. Especially if you have no expectations, you're smiling and make eye contact.
(This rule doesn’t really apply to guys as when people see a guy in an outfit they think is from the night before they just believe he got too drunk and passed out on someone’s lawn, but if you don't want people to think you passed out on someone's lawn, then dress for the next day.)
Rule 4: Pack for the occasion. Now that you have no expectations, you’re smiling, making eye contact, dressed for the next day, you should make sure you’ve packed for the occasion. Here’s the breakdown to what you should be carrying.
Guys: Condoms. Better wrap it before you tap it as they say. Here’s a conversation a friend of mine had years ago, “I hate it when guys don’t have condoms. If they want us to bring our own, I will. He will be awfully embarrassed when I pull out a Magnum and he doesn’t fit it in.” Bring your own condom. Only you know which brand works best for you.
Girls: This is what should be in your bag or purse.
A small all use moisturizer: I love Josie Maran Argan Infinity Cream. This you can use in so many different ways. I’ll explain later.
Concealer: Derma Blend the ultra-corrective foundation stick is compact, creamy and easy to use.
Eye lash curler: Shu Uemura is the best on the market.
Favorite lip gloss: I am a big fan of Buxom's Hot Momma. I love red lips!
Comb: I'll explain soon.
Hair elastic/clip and or bobby pins: Almost there.
$20 in case of emergency fund: you never know when you may need some cash. Cab ride, slice and a fight or paying some man child to carry you home.
ID & Credit Card /Box Card: You’ll need these to get into the bar and maybe pay for a drink or two.
Vibrating nipple clamps: No expectations come into play here. One night stands generally are not about caring and focusing on the each other’s needs. It’s a race to the finish. If you have lady parts, this can be a losing battle. Vibrating nipple clamps have more than one use, put them wherever! They are small enough to carry in a clutch and you only need one of the clamps most of the time. You may use them on your partner as well if you’re feeling generous. (If you want a pair of your own, contact my friend Kelly. She is a goddess for Athena's and can get you what you need, whenever you need it. Kelly's Facebook page)
Rule number 4: Be honest. Unhappiness lies when people are not honest with themselves. They think they want one thing but really they want another and are too scared to acknowledge it. So if you’re looking for a good time, then go for it. No need to drink too much so that you have an excuse for why you did what you did. These things do happen but let’s try to avoid it. Be honest with yourself. You are going out tonight with the purpose of either not going home or taking someone home with you. You don’t need 10 cocktails to convince yourself to do it if you’re being truly honest with yourself. Alcohol can hinder your judgment and make you a target, which is not the goal of the evening. The goal is to get some, plain and simple. So, don’t drink too much and be honest with what you want.
Rule number 5: The next day...Time to fix yourself up. You’ve had your fun. If you’re already at home, good for you. If you’re not, now it’s time to go home. But wait, you look like crap. Your hair is a mess and your face looks busted. Pull out of your purse these six items; all use moisturizer, concealer, eye lash curler, lip gloss, comb and hair accessories.
Step 1: Take the moisturizer and start dabbing the dry areas on your face. Around the nose, under eye, chin and any red spots.
Step 2: While moisturizer is taking a moment to sink in. Comb your hair. If you can, pull your hair back into a ponytail, do so. Don’t be tempted to throw it up in a messy bun. You’re already a mess, you need to look put together. Use the moisturizer to tame any fly-aways and then twist your hair around and around so that the hair has a bit of curl to it and stays smooth once you release it.
Step 3: Conceal. Take your concealer and pat a little under your eyes, eye lids, under the arch of your brow and on any red spots. Just keep patting away with the concealer until you’re all patched up, or as patched up as you’re going to be.
Step 4: Curl your lashes. This will waken up your mascara from the night before, which will waken up your very tired face. You may also add the moisturizer to the tops of your lashes to add a bit more definition. Careful if your mascara runs, don’t do this, you could end up looking more banged up than before.
Step 5: Lip gloss: Tap your favorite lip gloss on your cheeks for a rosy, you look so rested glow. Then pat lip gloss on your lips to finish the look and now you look more complete and can make the journey of shame home.
Step 6: High-five yourself, hold your head up and take a stroll…better yet, have them pay for a cab ride.