How Do I Get My Partner To Love Me?
Freaky Friday: Every Friday a new post dealing with love, relationships, dating...and anything else the human soul may need answered.
How do I get my partner to love me? This question is as old as time itself.
My first response is that you can't make someone love you, or make them love you a certain way.
Why? Because that's not how love works. Love is given freely, and it is a gift to be given and received. If a child handed you a rock and said this is for you, would you reject that rock? Would you say, find me another rock that's more to my liking? Or maybe, I don't like rocks, I would prefer a shell or sand. No, you wouldn't. If you did, that would hurt the child's feelings. Not to mention that most of us find gifts that come from children to be magical! Even if you don't like kids, most people can't say bah to those little faces or voices.
I use the example of a child because their love is expressed in the purest form. Love is love is love, but we all love differently. It's like a fingerprint, no two are the same. Being different does not mean these ways of love are not pure, they just may be more difficult to recognize.
When your partner doesn't love you the way you want to be loved, you may want to reexamine things before you unknowingly reject their gift of love.
For this, I have a few suggestions. Talk to them! Ask them what they think they are doing to show you their love. It could be something simple that they do every day, like cleaning up the kitchen to make your day easier, but you may have completely missed that as a sign of love.
Once you have a clearer picture of what your partner feels are loving actions and gestures, you need to try to accept them for the way they love. Share with them specific things that you feel demonstrate love, so they understand where you are coming from and what your vision of love is.
The other side of this conversation is to ask your partner if they feel you are giving them the love they want. You may not be, which is a hard concept to think of! You may believe you are doing everything right, but they may not be feeling it. If they live differently than you, then most likely the love they need is also different than the love you are giving.
Both partners can feel hurt, either consciously or subconsciously, if they feel their love is being rejected. Communication is necessary to differentiate between rejection and lack of recognition!
Another aspect of feeling loved is that we often expect our partners to fill our "love tanks". This is unfair to everyone. It's our job to find different ways to fill our love tanks on our own, and not rely on one other person to fulfill all of our love needs.
If we are secure with ourselves, and we are not looking for anyone to fill our voids, it becomes much easier to see and accept the many different kinds of love we are given. Love yourself first and live in your truth, and you'll find the love you need finds you in the most magical of ways.