Freaky Friday: You Booze, You Lose...Your Partner, That Is.
Freaky Friday: Every Friday a new post dealing with love, relationships, dating...and anything else the human soul may need answered.
A recent study showed that alcohol is the leading cause for divorce. Kinda wild if you think about it. Drinking is preventable. So does that mean if you curb your drinking, you save your relationship? Maybe. Does that mean you'll have a happier relationship if you don't drink? Maybe. Maybe not.
When I think about alcohol and relationships, I think about Big Red. Our first date was lunch at a beautiful restaurant overlooking the beach. White table cloths and entrees that cost more than the shoes I was wearing. He got two scotches, while I drank water because I had to head back to work. At another lunch, we had sushi and wine. The first time I cooked for him, we had a bottle of pinot noir before dinner. Drinking was a part of the dating ritual for us. It was fun...the most fun I had had in a long time. We were carefree with each other. We were honest with each other. Then, on one particular outing I went too far. He and I got into a fight in a garage parking lot after a night out, and that's when things changed.
We would often go to this wine bar. He would look over the wine list, point to what he was thinking of ordering, and I would say "done!" We would sip on our beautiful bottle of red wine, sit outside, and he would enjoy a cigar while swirling his large glass. As with most new relationships, we were never lack in the conversation department or the excitement factor when we were around each other. It was magical no matter what we were doing. This particular evening we began our night here at my suggestion. In my mind I wanted to relive our first date. Then we went to dinner, I was already buzzed by the time we sat down. Drinking a bottle of wine with no food in my stomach is never a good idea. I would often wait to eat when I knew we were going out, and by the time he would get to my apartment we were famished. He was not as affected by the pre-dinner drinks, as he was about a hundred pounds heavier than I was at the time. We had dinner. It was a lovely evening per usual. But then as I continued to drink, I went from sweet sassy Dorothy, to insecure, 'I don't know what I want' Dot. We left the restaurant with me being angry at him for whatever reason.
"You're being a pain in the ass. Just get in the car." He was fed up.
Slurring my words, "No. No I won't. Just leave me here."
Drama that didn't need to happen, happened because I drank too much.
The next morning, as we laid in bed I apologized. "Any other girl I would have left but not my Dorothy." He was sweet and made me feel less like an a$$hole. But, with all of that sweetness and love he had towards me, the things I said and did while drunk were never truly forgotten. That situation became a trigger for both of us. If I had a little too much to drink, he, whether he realized it or not, would wonder if insecure, 'I don't know what I want' Dot was going to show up. Thus began our cycle of breaking up and getting back together. Long story short, things were never the same. And I knew it was because of my actions while drinking. Luckily, that's behind us and we are friends now. I tell him I don't drink much any more, he says "that's good." And it is good. It's better for all those around me. My normal personality is a little out there. I can say what's on my mind, be bold and a little wacky and weird. I don't need a chemical to make me that way, all alcohol does is exacerbate the situation.
They say our true personalities come out when we drink. Maybe so. Alcohol may allow a person to be who they really are because they aren't bogged down by thinking.
Here's the thing, alcohol may very well show the honest side of our nature, but it does so in an uncontrolled toxic environment.
There are studies out there that state if one person in a marriage drinks more than the other, they are more likely to divorce. Studies found the happiest of couples either do not drink or only drink occasionally but either way, they do it together.
I have a few clients that I work with in regard to their relationships, and they usually say something like "I'm not impressed with when he/she is drinking", or even, "I'm not impressed with myself when I'm drinking."
We all drink for different reasons. For some, it's just to let off steam and have fun. For others, it's to 'loosen up'. Maybe to have more confidence or maybe to feel better and escape their reality. The reality is, there's no escape. In fact, like any drug or substance, drinking usually makes it worse. People become resentful of the person you are, or of having to clean up after you emotionally, physically, mentally or financially. No one finds slurring ones words to be attractive. Or not being able to hold yourself up to be a quality trait in a person. There's also the after affects; not feeling well, slow, moody, just a feeling of being unhealthy and stressed out.
Drinking can kickstart a relationship, making you feel more open towards another person, but as that happens, not slowing down can break the relationship. Or picking up the habit of drinking more. This usually means there is an issue within the person's life or relationship that they are not dealing with. The problem isn't going away, you're just adding another problem to your life.
I'm not condemning drinking. Champagne is my drink of choice, I love a nice bottle of wine. I enjoy Belgium whites. And I savor a fine scotch or bourbon. Everything in moderation. And that moderation for me now is just one pour on special occasions. Otherwise, it's water in a wine glass for this lady.
I want to hear from you! What are your thoughts on drinking and the relationship connection?
Peace, Love and Hugs,