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Freaky Friday: Is Sex The Cure-All For Lady Issues?

Freaky Friday: Every Friday a new post dealing with love, relationships, dating...and anything else the human soul may need answered.

Is Sex the Cure-all for lady issues?

When I was a young girl I read that sex can cure female montly cycle troubles…aka lady business problems, as I like to call them.  I have been plagued with a bad case of lady business since I was young.  My mother had the same disorder, Dysmenorrhea, and told me not to worry because it goes away after you have your first child.  

My university nurse told me it’s because my body doesn’t like that I am not pregnant.  “Good news though!  You’ll probably have great pregnancies.”  Well…I’m in my 30s and as of now childless, so I have to resort to other cures.  My favorite is intercourse...partnered up or no…but having a partner sure is nice.  

Let me paint the a picture of what happens to me once a month; a heating pad, pain meds, double over lying down still in pain, crying…one part because of the pain (did I mention how painful it is?) and the second part because I don’t know why someone hasn’t figured out how to put potato chips, fudge and cookie dough together yet, and the third part because I watched a cat video.

Anyway, the pain is all over my body, but especially my stomach, lower back and breasts.  When I have a significant other he can take that pain away.   Poof, he becomes my hero!  I have literally asked for a breast rub because they hurt so much.  “Yup, that’s all I want you to rub…A little to the left…oh ,thank you! thank you! thank you!”  Now that I am single, I find myself having to rub my lady lumps on my own.  I was once caught by a little old lady while rubbing my breasts at the stop and shop…the dairy aisle no less!  She didn’t say anything, but she gave me a look that burned through me.  I didn’t even realize what I was doing until I looked down, and then I looked up at her and mouthed “I’m sorry.”  She shrugged and shuffled down to the butter.  

I’ll be honest, I don’t feel sexy on my lady business and engaging in the no pants dance is the furthest thing from my mind. I just want my warm cat Jack to lie on my stomach as I polish off a pint of half-baked and a bag of BBQ chips, washing it down with a bottle of bubbles while watching a chick flick.  This sounds like heaven, but sex is what is going to make my body feel better over-all.  Sex is great for bloating, cramps, aches and a good night’s sleep.  An orgasm is natural pain relief and a sleep aid.  To get the full benefits, it should be a slow, making-love deal.  The rocking motion helps to calm the female body during this stressful time. This happens to be a strong case for the ‘motion of the ocean’ argument.   

So, not only is sex a cure for the female monthly bill, but also helps the following;

Weight loss
A better night’s rest:  an orgasm is more potent than a sleeping pill!
Fights Cavities:   kissing helps to keep teeth and gums healthy
Happiness:   releases dopamine 
Boosts immunity:  sex three times a week can help a woman live longer and healthier.
Lubrication of joints
Stretching of muscles
Bone health

With a cure like this, it makes me stop and wonder why sex is such a taboo subject, and why women are sex-shamed?  Maybe she’s on her period, people and Midol just isn’t cutting it!  Or maybe she couldn’t make it to yoga and this is the next best thing.  Or maybe she just wants to live a longer, healthier and happier life?

~Stay Well~