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Freaky Friday -What I learned from my experience dating a racist, white supremacist, neo-Nazi

Freaky Friday – Every Friday a new post dealing with love, relationships, dating…and anything else the human soul need answered.

What I learned from my experience dating a racist, white supremacist, neo-Nazi

We met at a friend’s party.  He was an uplifting, positive individual.  My friend hosting the party is really only connected to people that are wacky, weird and open hearted.  So when I met this guy, the assumption I made was that he was an open-minded person. My first impression was that he seemed like a light-hearted soul and I felt a connection to him.  We had lots to talk about and we were constantly going on adventures with each other.  He loved being outdoors, and it had been so long since I had dated someone that shared my love for the outdoors.  As we got to know each other more, he shared more of his beliefs with me.  At first I wrote them off as jokes, because I couldn’t believe some of what was coming out of his mouth.  Then the intensity and frequency of the comments continued to rise.  Clearly he was becoming comfortable.  I realized this guy was serious and in no way, shape or form joking about his derogatory, racist, white-elitist comments.  How did this happen?  How could this nice, sweet guy be so racist?  I won’t even begin to ponder why, what I will say is I learned a few things, which I've shared below. Please let me know if there’s something else I can learn from this experience or if there’s something you’ve learned from yours.  Light-hearted jokes are welcomed.

-Racists are people too.  He was nice to me, sweet, funny, respected his mother and not a commitment-phobe.  Plot twist - Turns out he also thought white people were the superior race, more importantly people with blond hair and blue eyes.

-Racists can be smart while also being ignorant. He thought by sheer virtue of being a white male, he was also a genius. Yet time and time again he would incorrectly quote and misinterpret common facts that most of us learned in high school.  (Maybe this is one of the reasons he believed white people were the superior race, he just didn’t understand that he wasn’t as smart as he thought.  Oh the irony!)

-Racists are usually defensive.  He believed people with opposing viewpoints were, and I quote, “stupid, dumb and don’t know what they are talking about.”  Not once did I see him listen intently to understand someone’s side.  He shut out every conversation and became defensive. 

-Racists can be disconnected from society as a whole.  He didn’t realize his views and beliefs were similar to that of groups such as the KKK and Nazis.  Plot twist – he thought he was of the Republican Party.  I had to remind him that the Republican Party helped to free the slaves, give equal rights to all people including people of color and shockingly, the female gender. I also had to remind him that immigrants formed our country.  Unless he was a Native American, he was an immigrant.  Our country was also founded on freedom, including freedom of religion.  The constitution doesn’t state which religion is right or wrong, or which God we all should believe in or follow or even if we should follow a God. He paused and then began spouting out how science has proved blond hair and blue eyes are superior to dark hair and dark eyes.  I told him that I believed that science experiment occurred in Nazi Germany in the 1930s, but a more recent study actually states how light eyes and light hair are more susceptible to cancer and blindness.  Dark hair and darker eyes helps to protect the body, but clearly they don't protect one from racism.  We then began the process of breaking up.

The last thing I learned, if I attracted this guy into my life, it meant I had a lot to work on.  I didn’t date for about a year, choosing to work on myself.  Then I met a sweet Jew, who is educated, good to his mother, a good listener and he wants to make a world a better place for all people.  Ahhhh, that’s better.

What this ex-boyfriend sadly did get right, is in the society we live in today, the safest choice you can make is to be a USA born Anglo-Saxon male, aka white man.  I for one look forward to the United States unconditionally accepting and loving towards everyone, no matter his or her race, color, creed, gender or sexual orientation.  You know, something similar to what is stated in our constitution.  After all, taking away one right opens the door to taking them all away. 

To make sure your country is always working for you, click here for the call list for your representatives in the government. I have heard from people in Washington that when a lot of people call in about a particular topic or subject, they listen.  A phone call can still be the strongest tool in this country.  And don’t forget to get out and vote whenever you get the chance.  If you can’t make it, do an absentee ballot.  Make your voice be heard loud and clear.  Lastly, lead by example. We can have differing opinions about many things and that is actually a wonderful thing. It adds diversity to this world and it encourages us to learn. But in this modern world, 2016, there really should be no difference of opinion on human rights. We know better. Lead by example by following the golden rule we all learned as children, treat others as you want to be treated. Be kind. Be accepting. Don't let people around you normalize behavior that isn't consistent with these ideals. Eventually the voices lifting up humanity as a whole will become louder, and the racist ex-boyfriends of the world will be drowned out. 

Peace, Love & Hugs,

Dorothy Stover