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Freaky Friday - My Take On 50 Shades of Grey

Freaky Friday - Every Friday a new post dealing with love, relationships, dating...and anything else the human soul may need answered.  

As someone who has dabbled in the world of S&M, I've heard and witnessed some very freaky $hit. So,  I thought I should give my two cents (for whatever they are worth) in regard to 50 shades. First, one positive thing that I believe 50 shades has accomplished is it has allowed women to explore their sexual personalities more openly. Yes, the 50 Shades of Grey world that is depicted is not entirely the real world. But that's what movies and books allow, fantasy. 50 shades suggests that a woman can make a man whole. That she can save him just by loving him. While this is a nice sentiment, it's not the truth. The only person who can save a man is himself. Just as the only person that can save a woman is herself. Sure we all have help in doing so, and there may be reasons why we decide to change for the better, but ultimately it all comes down to our individual selves that make the final decision. 

I had trouble getting through the book, but I was told by friends to stick with it, that I would like it. And I did, because I can differentiate between reality and fantasy...most times. Those are the two worlds I live in after all. There are several different sexual worlds that many of us don't know about,  and we may be fearful about exploring them. 

In regards to 50 shades, many people are offended by the female submissive and the male dominant. One truth of this world is, men are actually the ones that prefer to be the submissive...I could tell you stories!  The second truth is that the submissive is the one that holds the power. The submissive decides what is too much and when to stop. The dominate has only as much power as the submissive allows. It's quite a different role than most think. A submissive knows they have this power, and that for a certain amount of time they will allow someone else to make decisions for them. But at any moment they are allowed to stop. It's all part of the game and the fantasy. For dominates, they are given control. Ironically, many that play a dominate role behind closed doors tend to not be dominate outside the bedroom. And for those that are submissive, they tend to be dominant in some way shape or form outside the bedroom. You may be surprised to find what you may enjoy given the safe space to explore. The dominate/submissive roles are trust roles. You need complete and total trust of each other to facilitate effective communication. As we hear time and time again, trust and communication are parts of the foundation of any healthy relationship. 

A big issue I have with 50 shades is that people may misinterpret it. Much like porn, people may watch/read it and think "so that's how sex is supposed to be". Then when it's not, because they aren't educated in how to go about certain things, it may not turn out like it is in the movies, or it's uncomfortable or someone gets hurt. It's like thinking that all girls like to have their butt slapped during sex. Most guys see how it's done in pornography, yet don't know how to actually go about it. Yes, there's a technique...multiple actually. There are multiple techniques for everything under the sun. 

So my issues with 50 shades:

People not knowing the difference between fantasy and reality. 

People not knowing the rules of the lifestyle. 

People choosing partners because they believe they can love them back to good. 

People choosing the wrong partner. 

 

One needs to be aware of the sexual sadists and the sociopaths that want to see you in pain and want to control you completely. Much like Christian, who wanted her to sign a contract for their relationship and had picked out her wardrobe. Don't get me wrong shopping sprees are wonderful but when a guy or girl begins to say what you can and cannot wear, or what music you can and cannot listen to, or the friends you keep, or the job you keep, it's all unhealthy. If they want to control your life, it means that they lack control of their own. It's a bad scene. 

I believe for many women, the idea in  these novels/films they enjoy the most is that of a man taking charge, and wanting them and only them. That's the trap isn't it? The intensity. I've been there myself. It's all consuming. It's electrifying and you don't want to walk away for fear your body may never feel that way again. That's the draw. That there is some billionaire man with a heart of gold underneath the cold exterior, that just wants you so much he would do anything to have you. Oh and he gives you multiple orgasms. It's a fantasy, but can become semi reality. I've had a few Christian Grey relationships. The difference between the reality and the fantasy, is that it doesn't have a happy ending because both people have a lot to work out within themselves. 

You can have a healthy relationship and have this alternative sex life. Actually, better than the book as a result of the back and forth. The petty games and the control freakery is gone. What you're left with is allowing the other person to be who they are, and you're allowed to be who you are. You are both free to express yourselves and you trust the other completely. It's beautiful!

My take on the book is that it's a simple read but like porn, not true to the lifestyle. S&M culture has a lot more female empowerment involved. The submissive actually has the power. 

 

My take on the movie. It was difficult to get through, but so was the first book. Maybe the second movie will improve. 

 

I would love to hear from you.  What's your take on the book and/or the movie? 

 

Peace, Love & Hugs!

Dorothy

www.DorothyDStover.com